


game night in polyrom hell

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Multi, dave jokes about suicide just a forewarning, game night babey.......
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 13:37:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15144245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: ROSE: Yes, please enlighten us as to exactly which variety of relationship-ruining will be cloaked under the guise of "fun bonding time" and "Polycule Game Night."ROSE: Yahtzee? The Game of Life? Uno? Dare I say it....Monopoly?DAVE: god damn it rose quit giving them ideasjohn, rose, dave and jade play four (4) games and have four (4) arguments in the process. three (3) people are sat on at various times during the night. hope you enjoy.(fill for homestuck polyswap 2018. prompt was "any combination of Strilonde Harleybert is fine with me. Make it as complicated or as straightforward as you want, and give me: metamour game night! If one of the crew is dating someone else, too, it's fine to bring them along. :D.")





	game night in polyrom hell

**Author's Note:**

  * For [secondhandact](https://archiveofourown.org/users/secondhandact/gifts).



DAVE: okay so what game are we playing today  
ROSE: Yes, please enlighten us as to exactly which variety of relationship-ruining will be cloaked under the guise of “fun bonding time” and “Polycule Game Night”.   
ROSE: Yahtzee? The Game of Life? Uno? Dare I say it...Monopoly?  
DAVE: goddamnit rose quit giving them ideas  
JADE: har har, stupid, were playing clue! terezi let me borrow it just for tonight!  
DAVE: oh jesus okay lemme lay down a ground rule here  
DAVE: PLEASE can we use the characters we use every time because i played clue with karkat and aradia last month and i really dont know if i have another argument about whos gonna be mrs white and whos gonna be professor plum within the depths of my mortal soul  
DAVE: i genuinely think that if i hear one more aggravated word about colonel mustard ill put a bullet through my fucking skull  
ROSE: Dave, I really must say that I don’t think your thinly-veiled suicidal ideation should be brought out of the woodwork, especially on Game Night.   
DAVE: fuck you okay  
DAVE: wheres john anyway  
JADE: he iiiiiiis... getting the game pieces! i think terezi lost the bag for them so they kind of got scattered everywhere  
JADE: oh here he is now actually  
JOHN: hi! sorry i took so long, miss scarlet rolled under the sofa and i almost popped my elbow out of it’s socket trying to get her back.  
ROSE: Gross, John.  
JOHN: bluh, bluh, whatever. just pick your character!  
DAVE: what do you mean by pick john  
JOHN: what?  
DAVE: we use the same fucking characters every time what the hell do you mean by PICK do you think this is some kind of joke  
ROSE: My apologies, John. While you were out of the room, we were discussing Dave’s willingness to kill himself over the fact that Aradia and Karkat like to argue about who plays who.   
ROSE: Dave, my dear, my love, one of the three lights of my life, I implore you to please shut the fuck up and play the game.  
DAVE: whatever  
JOHN: uh, okay.  
JOHN: anyway! terezi lost one of the dice, so i had to nick one of vriska’s. if you even scratch it, she’ll, like, put her thumb through my eye or something, and you’ve seen how sharp her nails are.  
JOHN: so be careful!  
JADE: john you could have just asked me for a set of dice i have like six million?  
JADE: PLUS out of all the people you could have stolen a die from you picked VRISKA who im fairly sure has killed someone before????  
JOHN: don’t be silly, jade. vriska’s like my best friend. if she’d ever killed anyone, i’d know about it.  
ROSE: I’m hurt, John. Are we not your best friends?  
JOHN: well, like, yeah. technically? but i’m dating you guys, i gotta have non-dating friends. like vriska, and tavros.  
JOHN: c’mon, rose, this is basic stuff.  
DAVE: okay do you guys mind if we back up a bit to where we were disputing the fact that vriska serket may or may not have committed first degree murder because i feel like thats a subject we may want to be discussing more often  
JADE: guys guys guys!!!! we are just degenerating into vriskachat like we did last time  
JADE: can we please just play the game  
ROSE: Yes, I believe Jade is correct. You can go first, Dave.  
DAVE: wait why do i have to go first  
DAVE: i think you have a vendetta against me  
ROSE: What? Why?  
DAVE: i dunno man but you do  
ROSE: Um. Okay, then. Jade, why don’t you go first?  
JADE: ok  
JADE: oh damn i got a two  
JADE: wait im mr green right  
JOHN: jade, you’re mr. green every time. i’m mrs. peacock, rose is professor plum, and dave’s miss scarlet. we literally don’t ever change it.  
JADE: bluh fine!!!  
JADE: okay your turn rose  
ROSE: Hmm. Dave, move my piece eight spaces, would you? I can’t quite reach.  
DAVE: do it yourself   
ROSE: Fine.  
DAVE: fuck rose get off of me  
DAVE: rose i cant fucking breathe do you want your boyfriend to die is that what you want  
ROSE: There we go. Eight spaces. Hand me a Clue card, please, John.  
JADE: hahahaha!!!  
DAVE: rose oh my fucking god  
DAVE: jesus holy shit  
DAVE: i think that wiped ten years off my lifespan  
ROSE: Don’t be such a baby.  
ROSE: Ooh, a Rumor card.   
ROSE: Your turn, John.   
JOHN: hmmm, a six. that’s enough spaces to move into the lounge, right?  
JADE: yes  
JOHN: okay, cool. can i make an accusation?  
DAVE: dude its been three turns i havent even gone yet  
JOHN: jeez, okay!  
JOHN: damn it, i got a clock card.  
JOHN: go, dave.  
DAVE: wheres the dice  
JADE: dave youre sitting on them!  
DAVE: oh shit what do you know  
DAVE: ugh fuck why do i get a one  
ROSE: You must have bad luck. Perhaps Vriska heard you accusing her of murder.  
JADE: vriska cannot control luck rose  
JADE: at least i dont think she can!  
JADE: in any case dave my roll was just barely higher than yours was  
DAVE: yeah yeah whatever harley  
DAVE: oh shit thanks  
JOHN: ewww, pda, jade! bluh!  
ROSE: John, don’t be a hypocrite. You made out with me in a functioning fountain last year, jade can kiss dave on the cheek if she likes.  
JOHN: whatever!!!!  
DAVE: holy shit what was THAT like  
ROSE: Wet.  
DAVE: like because of the fountain water or is john really that bad of a kisser  
ROSE: I’ll let you decide.  
JADE: guys!!! can we pleeeeease play the game  
ROSE: Of course. My apologies, Jade.  
DAVE: yeah sorry  
DAVE: okay wheres my game piece  
JOHN: you haven’t moved it.  
DAVE: yknow what fuck you john  
DAVE: there we go jesus christ all that for ONE goddamn move  
DAVE: roll the dice jade  
JADE: you have to draw a card first dave  
DAVE: dammit finev  
DAVE: this game is so fucking annoying  
ROSE: Maybe you dislike it because you play it so often. This game is all you ever seem to play with Karkat and Aradia.  
DAVE: not true we played scrabble once  
ROSE: My point exactly. Scrabble barely counts as a game.  
JOHN: she’s right. scrabble is more of an english assignment, in my opinion.  
JADE: dave what card did you draw  
DAVE: rumor card  
ROSE: I have a feeling tonight is going to be….long.

~~~~~~

JOHN: uhhhh, ocean’s eleven!  
JADE: john shut up  
JOHN: ocean’s twelve! ocean’s thirteen!  
ROSE: John, none of us can take you seriously when you look like that.  
JOHN: hey, jade made me wear it! it’s her fault i lost the last round anyway.  
JADE: it was not my fault! it was definitely YOUR fault that you talked during charades, dummy   
JADE: thats why you have to wear the beagle puss  
JOHN: don’t  
JOHN: don’t call it that.  
DAVE: oh my god please guess it   
JADE: hey! no talking!  
DAVE: jade i am literally dying here trying to be silent  
DAVE: you have no idea  
ROSE: Rambling is his natural state, I wouldn’t attempt to change his habit. The results aren’t desired.  
DAVE: im fuckin begging yall  
JOHN: oh! point break!  
DAVE: FINALLY

~~~~~~

DAVE: truth  
ROSE: Who was your first kiss?  
DAVE: wow how original  
JOHN: answer the question!  
DAVE: uuuuuugh it was  
DAVE: i think it was terezi  
DAVE: terezi or aradia i dont remember man it was like in sixth grade  
ROSE: I’m not sure what I expected. I didn’t expect it to be someone fantastically unfamiliar.  
DAVE: what were you expecting like  
DAVE: ampora or something  
ROSE: Ew. No.  
DAVE: yeah thats what i thought  
DAVE: truth or dare jadie my lady  
JADE: hmmmmm  
JADE: truth!  
DAVE: who do you think is the worst dressed person in this room  
JADE: oh definitely john  
JOHN: traitor.  
JADE: mmm yeah that suit coat and leather pants combo really is not doing it for me!  
JOHN: okay, in my defense, i was at a party before this.  
ROSE: Was the theme ‘Disney Villain Casual’?  
DAVE: hey-ohhhhh  
JOHN: fuck off!  
JOHN: i’ll have you know i got a lot of compliments on this outfit.  
JADE: they were mocking you john i heard them laughing  
JOHN: changing the subject!  
DAVE: holy shit im dying  
DAVE: i love you so much john youre such a fucking idiot  
JOHN: thanks, dave. thank you so much. your compliments mean everything to me.   
DAVE: i know  
JADE: truth or dare rose  
ROSE: Dare.  
DAVE: oooooh shit first one  
ROSE: I like to live life on the edge.  
JADE: shit okay give me a second  
JADE: i expected you to pick truth!  
DAVE: yeah well of all the people in this room youd expect to do weird shit in the name of badassery the first name that comes to mind is not “rose lalonde”  
ROSE: Hey, I’m plenty badass.  
JOHN: of course you are, rose.  
JADE: actually rose came like THAT close to stabbing out kanayas eye with her knitting needles once so im putting her squarely in the ‘badass’ category  
ROSE: That was by accident, I wasn’t trying to do it. Classify me as “badass” based on something I did on purpose.  
DAVE: dude   
DAVE: jade have you come up with a fuckin dare yet  
JADE: actually yes!  
JADE: rose i dare you to climb up on daves shoulders and sit there for the whole next round  
DAVE: come ON havent i suffered enough  
DAVE: why not johns shoulders  
DAVE: or YOUR shoulders for that matter  
JADE: because even though johns stronger, youre the tallest and rose is scared of heights  
ROSE: Good Lord. My secret’s out.   
JADE: oops sorry rose  
JOHN: dave quit being a baby! she isn’t even that heavy.  
ROSE: Thank you, John.  
DAVE: john you are such a fucking liar rose is SO heavy  
DAVE: i can feel my goddamn spine compacting  
JOHN: wuss.  
JADE: yeah dave dont be a wimp you only have to hold her for like 15 minutes  
DAVE: my life is flashing before my eyes jade

~~~~~~

JADE: i hate this game its so stupid  
DAVE: mario kart is the best game of our time dont even lie to yourself  
DAVE: OH SMACKDOWN  
JADE: uurgh quit it!  
JOHN: hey, why can’t i pick up this thing?  
ROSE: John, you fucking idiot. You were in first place, everyone knows you can’t get the blue shells if you’re in first place. There’s nobody to throw them at.  
JOHN: well, what if dave and jade start edging in on my territory! i need to defend my title.  
ROSE: Dave’s utter shit at Mario Kart, you don’t have to worry about him.  
DAVE: betrayal  
ROSE: As for Jade, she’s fairly good. But I’m probably the one you should be worrying about.  
JOHN: smug much????  
ROSE: Yes, actually.  
ROSE: While you were talking to me, Jade and I bumped you down to third place.  
JOHN: wh---hey!  
JADE: haha owned  
JOHN: urgh! it took me forever to get first place!  
DAVE: john theres literally only four of us playing how are you that fucking abysmal  
DAVE: i wasnt even paying attention to your score i was just trying to beat rose but holy hell are you really that bad  
JADE: john gimme your wiimote  
JOHN: no!  
JADE: john  
JOHN: jade.  
DAVE: dave  
ROSE: Rose.   
JADE: hand it over or i swear to god i will sit on your stomach until you do  
JADE: i warned you!  
JOHN: jade your ass is crushing me!  
ROSE: John, give her the controller.  
JOHN: fine! here! holy shit, jade, your butt is so fucking boney.  
DAVE: terezis is worse  
ROSE: How do you know what Terezi’s butt feels like?  
DAVE: because karkat thinks its the pinnacle of goddamn comedy to sit on her and when i laugh she does it back to me can we move the fuck along  
JOHN: fuck, i am SO bruised.  
ROSE: Jade, maybe you should apologize.  
JADE: sorry john :( i love you  
JOHN: bluh bluh, whatever. i love you too.  
DAVE: adorable  
DAVE: fucking sappy as shit but adorable  
DAVE: anyways john fork over the wiimote so i can crush you at smash bros  
JOHN: hey!

~~~~~~

JADE: okay so what did we learn  
DAVE: clue ruins relationships and johns a bad kisser  
ROSE: Don’t sit on your boyfriend’s shoulders for more than five minutes at a time.  
JOHN: mario kart isn’t fun past the half-hour mark.  
JADE: excellent  
JADE: see you guys tomorrow!


End file.
